Well I have! This last Saturday I had the delightful experience of accompanying twenty 6, 7, and 9 year olds to a Bullwinkle’s fun house wannabe. The wonderful day began with both girls pretending to be sick in order to get out of going to the birthday party. After some unnecessary crying, screaming, and temper tantrums we jumped in the car with glee. As soon as we were dropped off at the dome of doom, as I would like to call it, the girls ran in and I was left on my own. Keep in mind I was not given instructions on what to do or which parent to speak with. I stood there taking in the overwhelming scene before me. Close your eyes, calm your mind, and imagine you are in a large bubble building. Your senses are overwhelmed by the odor of dirty socks, urine, stale popcorn, and a hint of bleach. As you walk past the large foam tree (ticket booth) you realize you have already stepped in spilled soda and now your shoes are sticky. To your left is a large pirate ship/slide, a set of 7 cages in which sweaty children bounce snot out their noses on mini trampolines, a blow up bouncy house of terror, overpriced arcade games, a horrendous blow up clown, and a ball pit from which the urine scent is emanating. At this point you stop and ask yourself is Adam Sandler going to fall out of the ball pit at any moment? Because only in an Adam Sandler movie does the situation get this bad, to the point where it is humorous.
For those of you who know me, I can pretty much talk to anyone and tend to avoid overly awkward situations. That is not to say I am not awkward because I definitely am, I just have the ability to talk my way out of odd situations. In the present oddity I was not as lucky. I spotted the girls at a table surrounded by a couple parents and headed over to introduce myself. Only two parents took any interest in speaking with me and they were nice enough. When the conversation ran dry and my Italian skills were depilated I didn’t know what to do. Is it appropriate for me to sit and read my kindle? Do I have to be interacting with the kids the whole time? “Hi, my name is Kristin and I am just going to stand next to the snack table and consume some cream puffs... and yes I am slightly germ phobic and completely aware, there is no restroom in which I can wash my hands before eating finger food. ” At one point one of the mothers introduced me to another English speaker. I shook her hand and asked where she was from. She responded by saying she was from Sweden and then proceeded to walk away. Left by myself I say out loud (I have a bad tendency of talking out loud to myself… a lot) “That was awkward!” Staying within the context of an Adam Sandler movie, right when I said it the employee in charge of filming the birthday party puts the video camera in my face. Don’t worry the whole thing was caught on film and will forever be preserved in this nice little girl’s birthday video.
When I got home that night I took the dog for a walk. She relieved herself and I took a poop bag to pick it up. Of course one of the girls thought it was funny to put holes in all the bags. Thus, it got on my hand and also fell right on the spot where my next step fell. Moral of the story- when you think it can’t get worse, it always does. I wish you sticky shoes and Adam Sandler’s company-
Kristin
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